Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Dear Diary




Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~…

Nafas di tarik dalam-dalam. Kaki melangkah perlahan ke luar rumah yang kini sunyi tak berorang. Semua tetamu dah pulang dengan tangisan. Dan dia juga tak terkecuali. Lately, banyak benda sangat yang jadi. Otak pun dah serabut nak fikir segala. Rasa macam nak give up pun ada. Tapi Islam ke namanya kalau main putus asa segala?

Pemergian kawan yang tak berapa nak rapat tu rupanya membawa juga kepada kedukaan tahap extreme. Selamanya dia orang Cuma bertegur, angkat tangan, senyum, berbual dua tiga patah perkataan je. Tapi tak sangka yang gadis tu akan pergi begitu cepat. Yeah, reality hidup. Siapa pun tak boleh nak halang kematian tu, right?

Kaki terus berjalan dengan bermacam perkara dalam kepala. Sedar-sedar, kaki dah membawa dia ke sini. Kepala menoleh ke kiri ke kanan. Mengenal pasti kedudukan dan posisi dia berada sekarang. Belakang rumah gadis tu. Dan tak jauh dari tempat dia berdiri ada sebuah store kecil. Entah menempatkan apa tapi hati tergerak nak masuk. Macam ada satu daya tarikan yang kuat antara dia dengan tempat tu. Maka, tak bertangguh, dia terus melangkah masuk.

Kotak merah sederhana besar tu benda pertama yang dia pandang. Kotak kertas A4 yang terletak elok je di situ. Macam tak pernah bersentuh pun. Dia berlutut membuka kotak yang penuh dengan rasa ingin tahu, dengan minda yang sarat dengan question marks.
Satu diari yang agak lusuh muncul di pandangan mata. Tebal pun boleh tahan. Dia duduk, menyandarkan tubuh pada dinding store. Perlahan sehelai demi sehelai kertas itu dibuka lihat.




Pemandangan yang indah ni tertera pada muka surat pertama sekali. Caption di bawah gambar dibaca.
“Life: Of course, it’s a journey that full of pain and problems. But there’s something beautiful inside life that we can’t even feel without them. I’m just wishing that my life will end up beautifully just like this scenery.”

Kening berkerut menuntut kefahaman. Apakah? Helaian seterusnya dibuka.


“There’s a lot of things happened these days. I’ve just figured out that my friends are actually stabbing my back. They don’t even want to be friend with me since the first place. I don’t know why. I keep on asking myself where I get it wrong. And now I’m feeling lonely. This feeling keeps on hunting me through and through. And I do feel that the world is against me right now.”



“Today, my lovely cat just died. And then what, I’ve figured out that she was eating some sort of poison. My neighbor just cleaned up his lawn and put that up so that the grass will wilt faster. My cat probably ate something on their ground and came home in a real weak body. Then, after several hours she was dead on my lap. Yeah, I know…pathetic, right?”



“ I don’t know why, but these days I just watching my picture’s album. Well, it was everything that I and my friends have gone through in our life before I knew what they actually up to. Am I crying? Yes, of course. Looking back at those days it really makes me want to cry and thinking about how it will be if I never grow up?”



 “The loneliness that I feel inside keeps on eating me day by day. And now, whenever I’m alone, I’ll cry. Even though if it’s just a little thing. My friends left me already. And I got nobody to talk to. But, instead of that, I’ve becoming an actress. At day, I’ll just pretend to look happy, but when the nights come, I can’t force it any more. My tears nowadays have become so cheap. People do actually ask me why, but I just keep quiet. Heh, even if I tell them, will it make any change?



“My heart has become so fragile. Am I like an emo now? And the most sad thing is that I felt like everyone around is hating me. I don’t know why, but it seems like they don’t like me. Where ever I go, I will get to be made at, hated at. Their vacant stare scared me off. What should I do now?”


“I’ve made up my mind today, I’ll not regret at what had happened to me all this time but thanks Allah instead. Thanks Him because I’m still alive today. Thanks Him because I still get the chance to change, to improve myself, to apologize and forgive. And Thanks Him because I still got families. I know my parents love me so much that I don’t need anybody else. Their love will not last after all. But my family does. It will last forever, I know”



“This is my friend now. This friend will never cheat on me, will never stab my back, will never make me cry. But this friend will help me later on the judgment day, In Sha Allah. And this friend will never make me feel lonely and break my heart. J


Bibir mengukir senyum. Gadis ni seolah-olah tahu yang dia bakal meninggalkan dunia dengan meletakkan gambar ni pada muka surat ni. Tragis. Itu je yang dia dapat katakan. Yeah, memang hidup takkan selalunya indah. Tapi ia akan jadi indah kalau kita berada betul di jalan yang lurus itu. Siratolmustaqqim itu.
Dia bangkit berdiri, keluar dari bilik store itu dengan seribu satu azam. Gadis yang tak berapa nak dikenali tu membawa sebuah inspirasi. Dan inspirasi itu yang akan dia akan bawa pegang sampai bila-bila. Betul Al-Quran tu memang satu accompany yang takkan tiggalkan kita no matter what by hell or high water, by storm or by the darkest hour. It will remain the same. Nama pun pemberi syafaat kan?

Think it wise.

Ikhlas By JF.
P/s: Kalau rasa hati tengah tak best, tengah kosong perbanyakkanlah baca surah Dhuha dengan Al-Insyirah sebab surah-surah tu la yang menghiburkan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w waktu beliau sedang berduka. J

1 comment: